Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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