I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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