we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
