Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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