Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
