Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
