i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
