i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
