Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
