In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i now understand why vodka
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
