I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
