This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
