oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
