I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
