...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
