The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
