I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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