worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
