We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
