I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
