One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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