I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
