I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
