We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
