you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
