wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
