You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
