dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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