Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
