I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
