Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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