yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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