Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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