It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
