You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
