the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
