she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
