Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
