dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We need to get me chipped asap
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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