i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
