these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
