if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
