Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
