So drunk, too bad you don't want this
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
