All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just threw up on my dentist
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
