its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A+ Viking dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
