You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
