just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So much rum. So many feels.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
