Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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