Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
