Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
