So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
