It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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